Holiday Shopping Adventures

Don't you love holiday shopping?

Trying to get that just right gift that will delight it's intended recipient. This feat is difficult enough to accomplish solo. Throw in a child or two (or three) and it becomes near impossible. (No wonder gift cards are so popular.) Now, those with a bit of practice under their belts, (and smaller children) can somehow manage to buy their gifts right under their noses, and they're none the wiser. Just a little distraction can work wonders. Not to mention a competent clerk at the checkout stand--one who understands the wink and nod and strategic placement of intended gifts behind large packages of toilet paper (how else do you keep things hidden in the cart and increase the year's supply at the same time?) and pulls out the large BLACK sack to bag your purchases. They understand the need for conspiracy and secrecy.

Enter the incompetent clerk. The one who removes intentionally placed items from behind large camoflauge right in the sight path of the small person(s) you're trying desperately to distract with leftover Halloween candy.

"What's that?" --detection by child.

Now you have to play dumb.

"What's what?" you query as you bodily place yourself in the line of fire and whisper fiercly over your shoulder that you'd rather s/he not see those particular items.

"Should I put them in this?" --holding out the BLACK bag, the one that is usually understood to be standard issue in these cases.

You can only nod in frustration, since your teeth are ground together in an attempt keep holiday spirit and joy.

The child taunts, "I saw it! I saw it!"

"There, now, you can't peek anymore." Do they have to actually draw attention to the fact that the unmentionable "nothings" have disappeared into the BLACK sack? Black holes/sacks are supposed to suck in mass and make it disappear. You forget it's there, it doesn't exist anymore. Don't remind the child--now you have to get a gumball on the way out for increased sugar buzz and distraction from the "nothings".

Good Grief.

I'll be shopping online next year for Christmas gifts...or getting gift cards.