Invasion

I don't often use the front bathroom. I enjoy having a "master suite" (used in the most loose of terms here) and frequent that commode accordingly. Occasionally, however, I forgo the labyrinth path to privacy and use the first bathroom. I'm never sure what I will find, as A and Ch claim this as their domain. Usually surprises are easily dealt with by a quick flick of the silver handle. =)

Today was different. (For accuracy's sake it was actually Tuesday.) As I sat upon the porcelain throne I noticed a tiny black trail extending from the wall to the tub rug, about 3 inches away. Then it disappeared. Hmm... I flipped the rug with my foot. Ew! The tiny black line followed the contour of rug, and it was alive with movement. I followed the back trail, along the wall (after I had finished with necessities, thank-you). To my horror, the line extended around the toilet bowl brush caddy, behind the toilet and around to the other side. Descending to my hands and knees was the only way I could discover the lump of something brown that the ants were swarming over tucked away under the overhang of the cabinet. Ew! Ew! I quickly concluded that the brownish lump must be a crumb of gingerbread (remember the darling cookies? Playgroup at my house last week resulted in many small hands carrying gingerbread throughout the house. I thought I had removed all trace of crumbs, apparently not.) and that with the generous "housewarming" gift they now felt at home.

Swarms of sugar ants on my floor!

How dare they enter MY domain!

Death to black crawling, multi-legged creatures!!!

One problem: How do you kill ants?

While growing up, when faced with an ant dilemma, we usually boiled a pot of water and poured it down the ant hole. Granted, we usually found them outside on the brick patio and this was an acceptable solution. Waves of boiling water washing over my bathroom floor would certainly kill ants, and yet create more of a problem for me. Nix that idea. And I don't have assorted creepy-crawly death-in-a-bottle bug sprays. We left those in Abq.

What then?

The only solution I could reach in the instant I took to react (perhaps taking more time would have been better, but I hate crawling things inside...that's my territory and they aren't allowed!!) I ripped the rugs off of the floor and designated them for the laundry. Then I returned, armed with Lysol.

Yes, my friends. Lysol manages to kill the little bugs and other potentially harmful stuff that you can't even see. Death and disinfectant all in one bottle! (Who knew?)

And so, in a sea of Pacific Fresh Lysol (original flavor reminds me of the cadaver lab), the ants met their death. A and Ch took great delight in pointing out any speck that moved, which I would promptly shower in suds.

I was so proud of myself to get them all killed and cleaned up before S got home. All that met him was a gleaming tile floor when he inspected my handiwork.

Happy Day!

I wish I could say that was the end of it.

Grey and early the next morning, S kisses me good-bye and informs me that he's sorry, but there are more ants. This time they are in the playroom (where Ch snuck a snack and left a crumb) and up the cupboard in the bathroom. I groggily ask what cupboard? The only one we have, J. Oh, that one. I can't imagine why they would want to carry away the towels? Exit S.

And so begins the next adventure. They aren't on the floor, which I thoroughly destroyed of all things ant. They are coming out of a new hole and up the entire length of the built-in cupboard, which reaches nearly to the ceiling. Great.


Then they crawled into the cupboard.

Yes, friends, over and under and along both shelves.


The ants go marching, one by one, hurrah....

They weren't too interested in the ponytails and hair ribbons, but delighted to find the medicines. See how they crawled into my white basket? And across the shelf to the pink "bubble-gum medicine"? Not many, you say? No need to worry?

This is the sight I beheld when I pulled the basket down to peer inside at what the heck they could be getting into. (yes, they are swimming in "pacific fresh", and so are my cough syrups.) Great opportunity to pare down the contents of the medicine cabinet. Prior to moving, I had weeded out expired meds, here go the rest of them.

Out of curiosity I opened the lid to the NyQuil and this is what greeted me. Child resistant caps aren't ant resistant, heck, half the time they don't even deter the determined toddler from de-capitation.

My friend Anna pointed out that I was probably responsible now for the next generation of mutant sugar ants. I mean, what does NyQuil do to an ant? How much do they need before they get drowsy? Perhaps they fell asleep right in the lid? What sort of buzz were they on?!


Here's a sampling of what I feed the ants at my house. They're not gonna feel a thing when they die. (Hmm...I seem to like generic drugs.)

Ever present at my side was my faithful side-kick The Charlinator, shrieking at moving specks, insisting he could take the Lysol gun on a solo mission. Right. We used so much of the blue death water that we were getting high on the fumes.

Then I opened the drawer and found, yep, MORE ANTS!! There isn't even anything to eat in that drawer and they were swarming...(although the liner was a red/white gingham check... perhaps they are programmed to be attracted to the "picnic" blanket look.)

(Oh, and did I mention that I was waiting for the cable guy to come and install high-speed Internet service? You know the routine: between 8 and noon. The last serviceman that I waited for never showed up-twice. Waiting for four hours is not my idea of a good morning.)

So. Quarter to twelve and no cable guy and a bathroom full of Lysol fumes and dead ants. I was reaching the end of my "nice mommy" reserves.

S to the rescue!

He came to deal with the cable guy (who had arrived precisely at noon) while Ch and I went to an enrichment lunch at the church.

My sanity saved...I put hotels up for the relations of the dead. We want to be accommodating, right?

Yeah.